El Nino's Big Adventure

Exactly one month ago today my labor was induced - Friday, October 13th. Sixteen hours later, el nino was born. The last four weeks have tumbled by with a force and energy that is hard to describe. And now our son is one month old. Hard to believe. I am still struggling to move past the hysteria of the last few weeks, but I find that when I am holding my son - feeding him, singing to him, or just gazing upon him - I am free to bask in the wonder of the new life blazing before me.

One of the new additions to my life, other than my son, is my psychiatrist. Because I need to be on medication for the time being, I must be monitored by a psychiatrist. The psychologisit I have been working with for almost a year must be supplemented by this M.D. which is fine with me. I met with her today and expressed my wish to "lighten up", to have more fun. I feel my son deserves this from me, and I deserve it from myself. A noble goal to be sure but one that I must be patient about, my psychiatrist advised, "Time, in time..." And so I thank my friends and family (again) for their emails of encouragement and love. It helps so much to read them and to reach out to you here.

A dear friend who lives 3000 miles away connected with me on the phone last night. We were amazed to discover how many things we have in common right now as we both go through our own distinct healing processes (her's is mainly physical, mine mainly mental. But like the yin yang symbol, we have some of the other that needs healing as well.) We have both reached the age of 40 and began this discussion by claiming our need to write down our "to do" lists was a sign of age. But as we discussed it further, we decided perhaps it was a sign of maturity rather than "age". Yes, it's true I could hold several "to do" items in my mind at one time when I was in my late 20's and early 30's. But I could not do that in my teens or early 20's. I think I had other priorities (like raging hormones for example). My late 20's and 30's were very much about how much I could do, how much I could accomplish. And now that I'm a bit older I am less interested in how much I can accomplish and much more attracted to how attentive I can be to the people in front of me, to the conversation we are having, to the surroundings we find ourselves in. The "to do" lists are a necessary part of daily life but not a defining part of my life as they were less than ten years ago. I am finding that the defining part of my life is the relationships I hold dear. And as I age, I have the great good fortune of knowing and loving many, many dear ones. And now I have a son to add to my blessings. Thank you, thank you, thank you...