El Nino's Big Adventure

Due to circumstances beyond my control I am unable to breastfeed el nino. It was very difficult to accept at first. I felt I was failing my son in some fundamental way. I really bought into all the militant breastfeeding propoganda out there. Sure, breastmilk is a wonder food. But if you can't (or even choose not to) breastfeed, formula is pretty darn good. And El has thrived on formula. Now that I am comfortable with the fact that I cannot breastfeed, I've become a little disenchanted with the whole breastfeeding movement. It seems to me another way to subjugate women by making the child so dependent upon her. And breastfeeding makes it difficult for the man to participate in the very basic process of feeding his child. I think it's wonderful if a mother can breastfeed and wants to breastfeed, but I think it's awful to make mother's feel "less than" if they feed formula to their babies.

It takes balance. Sometimes we have to choose a middle path. Sometimes we have to choose what might seem selfish. It is hard for me to accept this - that sometimes I will choose selfishly. But I have to believe that what I call selfish is a necessary act of self caring. And if I do not care for myself wisely, can I care for el nino wisely? If I stretch myself too thin, how can I be a good mother to el? And if I were a breastfeeding mom without utilizing formula, I think I would be stretching myself too thin. What seems like the ideal to me is a combination of both, some breastmilk and some formula. That way the child could receive the wonderful nutrition of both forms of milk and the mother could experience the wonderful bonding breastfeeding has to offer as well as the wonderful freedom of formula.

There are no easy answers. Nothing is going to change or be resolved on this issue in the few minutes I spend typing this blog. But maybe it's good to take a moment and reflect on how I am currently subjugating myself. What do I do that punishes myself or makes me feel "less than" if I don't accomplish my or someone else's idea of what is ideal? I am really hard on myself in so many ways. And I'm afraid I will pass this on to my son unless I can loosen up. So I say yippeee! for formula. Thank you for feeding my son so well, and thank you for giving el's dad the opportunity to nourish his son as well as I do.