Monday, February 26, 2007
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
We seem to have a handle on the babysitting thing. We have two sitters now, our "as needed" sitter and one who will come regularly once a week. We used our occasional sitter last week. Mommy came home at 9pm after a loooong day expecting el nino to be sound asleep. (I have to admit I was feeling a little sorry for myself to have missed a whole day and evening with him, but I figured we'd greet each other at 1am when it was time for another feeding.) However, I was surprised to find el still awake. He was very tired but had, apparently, been waiting for mommy to come home. I no sooner picked him up than he fell asleep. Now, on this particular occasion it felt pretty good. However, there are other times when it feels a little funny to be the one who puts my son to sleep so quickly.
My husband will sometimes call me at work, and I can hear el nino chattering away in the background. When I come home from work or as I spend time with him on the weekends, I try to get el to talk to me the way he does to his dad, but it's rather half-hearted on his part. He just doesn't chatter with mom the way he does with daddy. I am the one who can put el nino to sleep at the drop of a hat. Am I that boring? Ah well, we all have our dubious honors in life I guess.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Sit, Baby, Sit
Well we had our first babysitting experience about a week ago. And I'm happy to report we all did well. El is still in the stage where he responds well to strangers. So this is the opportune time to get him used to the babysitter. The lovely woman who sat for us will be our "whenever she's available and we need her" sitter. We are still in the process of interviewing a babysitter as we have one night a week that we need a regular sitter. I find this interviewing process to be somewhat challenging.I hand el nino over to them when they arrive and we chat about what they are doing, how babysitting fits into their life, if they have children, what interests them about babysitting, etc. Then I check their references. What else should I be doing? I don't feel comfortable setting up a camara in my home to "watch" them as they sit for my child. Is that really necessary? I am told that is what families do here when they hire nannies. Perhaps if I needed a nanny I would set up a camara in my home, but that isn't the situation here. Am I a bad mother if I don't do that? Certainly I want my child to be safe. I can only hope that my interaction with the babysitter and by checking references I will get a good indication of the person's abilities. I know, however, that I am sometimes more trusting of people than perhaps I should be. Well anyway, if anybody has any comments about this, please let me know. In the meantime, wish us luck in our babysitter search.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Capacity meets potential
"It has taken me a long time to learn that people's capacity for something is not necessarily their capability to manifest it, and that's not even taking into account how much they actually want it." A friend of mine wrote this, and she really hit the nail on the head for how I feel about myself right now. As many of you know, I had a rather traumatic experience last October; I landed in a psych ward for about 10 days. It was post-partum something or other. And ever since then I have been struggling to stay upbeat. My confidence is shot. So I have been concentrating on how to build my confidence again. Oddly enough, I feel best about my mothering skills right now. And if truth be told my "ability" there probably has more to do with the fact that el nino is just a great kid. My friend's quote made me realize what my most pressing worry is right now. And that worry is that I am not capable of realizing my potential. Wow, that felt really good to put out there. Just writing down the words and reading them over lifts my spirit. I've been watching a lot of Oprah lately. It started while on maternity leave, this fixation with Oprah. She has a lot of shows that celebrate the spirit of some really generous people. I like that. Generosity. I think my son is quite a generous soul. Of course, you could attribute what I call his generosity to circumstance. But I like to give him credit for it.
The last week of my pregnancy I was in the hospital and had a sonogram every day to determine if this was the day labor was induced. I was pretty upset at the start of the week, really scared and feeling awful about what was going to happen. I wasn't ready for el to be delivered. But he gave me four days to get used to the idea and by Friday, the day labor was induced, I felt as ready as I could to bring my son into the world. So I thank him for giving me a few days to get used to the idea.
Two of my dearest girlfriends were able to be with us during the labor. "A" doesn't live in town but happened to be here for work that week. So el was very sweet to pick that week in particular so that A could be with us. "S" is a playwright and was in the middle of a prestigious production when el decided to join us in the world. The day el nino was born, S had a very important rehearsal at 10am (near the hospital, oddly enough). She had stayed all night long with us, and it would have been a real shame if she couldn't see the amazing part where el emerges from the womb. But again, the generosity of my son shined through. And he was born at 8:38am, giving S plenty of time to make her rehearsal.
He continues to shine and illumine us with his generosity. More often than not, as he did today, he wakes up with a smile and a coo. Oh my... such a beautiful way for mommy to start the day. He is very good about letting other people hold him while remaining quite content. Ah... what a nice boy to give others such joy. And simply speaking, his being here with us is generosity enough. Hung! Emaho! Gate gate parasamgate. All our love to you and yours.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
High Five!
El Nino is just that much older & bigger. He has increased how much he eats by an ounce in the last 24 hours. This means he can go longer between feedings. And mommy is experiencing more hours of sleep strung together which couldn't come at a better time. Daddy has a new job that requires later hours. So mom is handling all the nighttime feedings for now. But so far, so good.
A friend sympathized with me the other day by saying being a mom is not an easy job. It sure doesn't feel easy to me, and I guess I expressed that to her one way or another. I didn't expect it to be easy. I read books to try to prepare. But you can't truly prepare for what can only be experienced. And we certainly did not prepare ourselves for the possibility of having a premature baby. Now, with our pediatrician's approval, we can begin to take him out in public a bit. It has felt rather confining to stay so close to home. But the cold precludes too much gallavanting about. So we're still homebound most days. However, it sure is nice to know we have the choice of taking el out or not. Choice is a precious thing.
A friend sympathized with me the other day by saying being a mom is not an easy job. It sure doesn't feel easy to me, and I guess I expressed that to her one way or another. I didn't expect it to be easy. I read books to try to prepare. But you can't truly prepare for what can only be experienced. And we certainly did not prepare ourselves for the possibility of having a premature baby. Now, with our pediatrician's approval, we can begin to take him out in public a bit. It has felt rather confining to stay so close to home. But the cold precludes too much gallavanting about. So we're still homebound most days. However, it sure is nice to know we have the choice of taking el out or not. Choice is a precious thing.
