El Nino's Big Adventure

I have already mentioned that I joined Weight Watchers. I really love the meetings and faithfully attend one (sometimes two) every week. Last week we planned a little weekend trip to Grandma's. So my usual Saturday morning meeting wouldn't work. So I decided to attend a weekday evening meeting and take el nino with me. Yes, it was his first Weight Watchers experience. And technically we are watching his weight - watching it increase and delighting in each new pound he gains.

So when I arrived with el in the bjorn carrier, I needed the leader's help to weigh in without adding el's weight to mine. The leader, Hal, happily complied and enjoyed talking with el while I weighed in.

I'll be upfront. This particular posting is about el nino's mom and not so much about el nino himself. I've been confronting the issue of faith for several months now. After my psych ward experience, my faith was shaken quite a bit. The faith that I am talking about is my faith that the universe has my back, that I'm being looked out for, that things will turn out all right. So while I say that I also need to make clear that I have been counting my blessings too. El is a wonder. And, though he came early, he is robust and healthy, and we know how lucky we are. The time we spent with el in the NICU made it clear how hard it could have been for us. Some of the babies around el nino had to struggle much more than he did. And we felt a strong bond with the other parents there.

So that said, I, personally, have been struggling off and on with my faith. And today I had an experience that made me ponder. I joined Weight Watchers recently and anything that fills me up with only few calories is a very good thing. And I discovered that coffee fills me up. But I don't want to overindulge. So I have set aside Tuesdays, Thursdays and the weekend to enjoy my coffee. Today was a coffee day.

I made my coffee at home and brought it on the subway with me this morning. I was saving it until I got to work. So it was in my little plastic tote bag next to me on the seat. I was reading Don Quixote and felt a cozy warmth against my upper left thigh. Ah, that feels nice, I thought. Then I looked down at my coffee and saw that it was slightly tilted. I uprighted it and continued reading. Then I thought, I better take a closer look. And sure enough almost all of my coffee was in a pool on the seat. I alerted the woman sitting on the same seat. She was able to move before the spill made its way to her area. Then I discovered I had just enough tissues in my pocket to clean up the mess. Next I realized I was wearing my jeans, the best pants for this kind of mishap. It struck me that I had not inconvenienced other passengers and that no major damage had been done to me either.

It was only after I left the train and made my way down the street to work that I realized there was some discomfort, some embarrassment to having a wet rear end. But I chuckled at myself and kept going. And then I started thinking about faith.

Upsets are inevitable in life. But if we pay attention we may find that we have the tools to move through it with a minimum of discomfort. My psych ward experience is testament to life's little upsets. But if I'm really honest with myself, there were moments, periods of time I felt fairly content to be there. I enjoyed talking with the other patients. I heard some of their problems which helped me put my problems in perspective. I was able to use some of the clinical skills I'd learned while in grad school. And I had time, whether I liked it or not, to get myself together again. In fact, I had nothing to do except that. And I guess you could view that as a good thing. Anyway, I had the tools I needed to get through the experience. And while the road has seemed long to recover from the trauma of that experience, I am traveling that road with the tools I need, my family and friends, in particular my husband and son.

So yes, I am counting my blessings. And one of those blessing I am beginning more fully to appreciate is a faith that I have the tools I need to move through life with as much comfort as one could hope for. My wish is that we all have the tools we need most, the inner peace to recognize them, and the wisdom to use them well.

El nino has hit a couple of milestones recently - one I neglected to mention in the last post and the other happened just this week.

First, I was remiss is mentioning that el nino met his paternal grandfather a couple of weekends ago. They seemed to like each other though grandpa was a little worried el would slip off his lap. So grandma stepped in and took over the holding part. Mommy took pictures and helped gramps remember el's dad by showing him pictures of him on her phone. That seemed to help. We expect our next visit with grandpa will include el nino's dad. Grandpa, in particular, likes el's "dark eyes".

The other milestone has to do with food. El's pediatrician gave us the go ahead to give el some cereal and later fruit. When el's dad told me this, I said, "You know what that means, don't you?... We have to get the highchair out of storage." El's dad gave me a funny look and said, "Mommy, he has to learn to sit up first." "Oh... right," I said. Just got a little overexcited I guess.

So we have been giving el nino rice cereal with formula the last couple of days. He doesn't like it particularly. But we've devised a system whereby he has some formula and then a spoonful of cereal and alternate back and forth. That way he gets into a rhythm and doesn't cry. I hate to start teaching him mealtimes are upsetting by having him cry his way through it. I expect a little fruit added to the mix will help, but we have to go through each food separately first before we can begin combining them.

And other news, we had a delightful Sunday brunch with friends of ours who had a baby girl two weeks before el was born. She is a full 5 pounds bigger than el and is sitting up on her own. We expect el to figure that out in the next few weeks as he is attempting to pull himself up when lying down or lounging. The two really seem to like each other. They were holding hands for a while, and both fell asleep on the couch next to one another while the mommies and daddies ate. So sweet!

That's all for now, I think. We hope you enjoy each and every day with its little surprises as much as we do.

The other new trick also involved the stroller (we don't, as yet, have a stroller, but grandma has one at her house that we use to put el in when we are eating in the kitchen). When we put el nino in the stroller this weekend, he began to push himself forward. It looks like we are moving closer to the "sitting up on his own" phase.

A month has passed since our last visit to see Grandma. And she was pleased as punch to see how much el has grown. What a big boy (12 pounds)!

Time is such a confusing thing. I am told to enjoy this time with el nino because children grow up so fast. I find myself watching children of all ages as I ride the bus to work imagining el at that age and what it will be like for us. When I am with him, I cherish the time we have together, and it occurs to me how I longed for him to be older during the first three months, which were challenging to say the least. I wanted him to be a bit older because I wanted him to sleep longer at night, giving mommy and daddy a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep. And now he is at that stage, and it is glorious.

As I walk from the subway to work in the morning, I think how did I get to this point when only a few minutes ago I was holding el nino in my arms giving him his milk and kissing his brunette head? As I walk from the subway to work, I think later today I will be walking this path in the opposite direction and will feel surprised to be here again so soon. And then I reach the weekend or the next Monday and am surprised to have come this far already. I try to cherish the present, and it slips away so quickly into a new present. And then I think of my cousins whose sons and daughters are grown and how it must feel for them to see their adult children when it was only yesterday they were picking them up to ride on their shoulders. I can only imagine.

As I ride the bus to work, I hear two little girls sing in carefree abandon, I see a young boy reading a book about space with his mother, I pass another boy as he lugs his cello up the bus steps, I watch a father find seats for his sons, and I think of el nino and all the learning and growing we have ahead of us - his first words, first steps, first song, first dance, first solid food, first meal in the highchair and all the subsequant words, steps, songs, dances, meals he will share with his father and me. And then I am home again from my day at work, and I take el in my arms and smell his neck as I kiss him here and there and all around, touching his soft skin and gazing into his brown eyes. "What a precious being you are," I croon into his ear as he smiles or laughs out loud. And I remember wondering when will he do these things. And now he does them, and it is... miraculous.