El Nino's Big Adventure

We just spent the last week at Grandma's house. Mom worked while Grammy took care of El Nino. And I find it is difficult to return home, taking el away from Grandma's arms. Why is it so hard to say goodbye? I am 40 years old and a first time mom and am finding myself longing for my mother. Is it because being a new mother is so fraught with worry? While I try to comfort my son, I long for the comfort of my own mother. Does this need for mom ever go away? Apparently the worry a mother has for her child never goes away. So I doubt the comfort of a mother's arms ever diminishes.

I'm trying to get used to the fact that I may never feel like I "know" what I'm doing as a mom. And being in my mother's presence has a serenity to it. At least she knows what to do if I don't. And really this whole nuclear family thing is a bunch of balony if you ask me. I'm much more inclined to think "it takes a village" to raise a child. I want el nino exposed to parents and grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins and friends. But more than exposed, actually taking part in raising this young man to adulthood. I like the idea of a commune. But maybe I'm idealizing and imagining a life with built-in babysitters. Ether way I have to admit I feel rather lonely in this beginning phase of parenthood. I want the companionship my mother has to offer. I guess I'll just have to enjoy it when we have it.